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Superman loves a good cake, that’s for sure. Unfortunately, his girlfriend, Lois Lane, also known as Superman’s girlfriend and Clark Kent’s girlfriend, couldn’t bake to save her life. The proof takes place in the Silver Age DC Comics issue “Superman’s Girl Friend, Lois Lane #39”. You see, Superman’s father, Jor-El, was won over when his girlfriend Lara baked him a cake on their home planet of Krypton. In this comic, Lois gets a special helmet from Supergirl that reveals this fascinating tidbit about Superman’s parents. The device shows how Superman’s parents became engaged, and Lois, ever the ambitious reporter from the bustling city of Metropolis, intended to do the same thing.
After taking a bite of what surely was laced with ecstasy (or perhaps it was a Kryptonian Rainbow Cake), Jor-El proposes over the dessert. I have to say, that would have had to have been the best damn cake ever made in the history of Krypton or Earth.
Let me break it down for you. Superman’s dad says, “Lara darling, a bachelor’s life can be very lonely! What I need is a pretty wife who can cook and bake like you! Say you’ll marry me!” Lara responds, “Jor-El, my dearest! How I’ve been waiting to hear those words!”
No, that is not sarcasm, but the actual dialog. Lois, being an idiot like Superman’s parents, bakes Superman (aka Clark Kent) a cake which he turns out hating. He then tells her to get cooking lessons because the only way she’ll win his heart is through his stomach. This issue of “Superman’s Girl Friend, Lois Lane” also reveals a little-known weakness of Superman: raw onions. After arranging a kissing booth for Superman, she screws it up by serving onions on hamburgers that offend Superman’s super sense of smell.
Lois Lane clearly needs to take a hint and enroll in culinary school. It’s a good thing Superman is invincible, because he’d be dead from food poisoning by now. The only thing more dangerous to Superman than kryptonite would be Lois Lane’s casseroles. With Lois’s cooking skills being on par with a 5-year-old, she might as well have made Kryptonite-laced cupcakes. It’s a good thing Superman has a forgiving heart, or else Lois might have to find a new superhero to obsess over. Maybe she should stick to her day job of being a reporter for the Daily Planet and leave the cooking to someone else, like Martha Kent.
Now, let’s be honest, I think we can all agree that Superman has a lot on his plate already. Fighting crime in Metropolis, saving the city, and let’s not forget having to deal with Lois Lane’s terrible cooking. It’s a wonder the guy has any time to sleep! But hey, at least he can rest easy in his Fortress of Solitude, knowing that he inherited his father’s taste for a good cake, even if it’s not the legendary Kryptonian Rainbow Cake.
Read this comic for sure. (Affiliate link.) Surely among the more cliche of these older Silver Age stories from DC Comics, it is hilarious. Who knows, maybe Supergirl will make another appearance to save Clark Kent from Lois’s next culinary disaster.