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From the moment I first spotted that tantalizing tease about a potential Fantastic Four movie in the hallowed pages of Wizard magazine, my priorities got real clear real fast – screw fourth grade math, superhero movies were my new religion. Like the true alpha comic nerd I was, I got my hopes up sky-high, not realizing that the Fantastic Four film I was creaming my pants over in ’94 wouldn’t actually drop until 2005. By the time this bad boy finally hit theaters, courtesy of 20th Century Fox, I was balls deep in college and still couldn’t solve a quadratic equation to save my life.
The 2005 Fantastic Four movie comes packing some serious eye candy, with Jessica Alba as the smoking hot Invisible Woman (emphasis on the “woman” part – ain’t nothing invisible about those curves). Then you’ve got Chris Evans flexing as Johnny Storm, the Human Torch, looking like he just walked off an Abercrombie photoshoot. Ioan Gruffudd plays Reed Richards, aka Mister Fantastic, and while he’s not exactly winning any beauty contests, at least he can stretch his appendage to impressive lengths (yeah, I went there). Michael Chiklis rounds out the Fantastic Four cast as Ben Grimm, The Thing, basically trading in his whiny cop routine from The Shield for a whiny rock monster routine. Real stretch there, Mike.
Let me tell you something – as a kid who spent his allowance on every damn Marvel comic he could get his grubby hands on, the mere thought of this superhero team hitting the big screen gave me wood harder than The Thing himself. But watching the actual 2005 Fantastic Four film? The only time little Johnny Storm came to life was during that scene where Alba’s standing around in her underwear like some Victoria’s Secret show gone wrong. And because Hollywood knows exactly what the fans want, they doubled down in the sequel by having her go full birthday suit in public. I guess she does not read her scripts. We can all thank her agent for that.
Real talk though – calling the 2005 Fantastic Four movie “fantastic” would be like calling Dr. Doom a competent dermatologist. That final throwdown is especially painful. But here’s the thing – despite its massive flaws, this flick’s got some redeeming qualities that make it worth your time. The Fantastic Four cast brings their A-game (or at least their B+ game), and they nail the essence of these characters. Plus, it’s more entertaining than a Skrull at a shapeshifter convention.
For the comic book superfan who’s already got every variant cover and action figure known to man, consider adding this movie (affiliate link) to their collection. Sure, it’s not perfect, but compared to that 2015 dumpster fire that had all the charm of a colonoscopy? This thing’s practically Citizen Kane. The Fantastic Four (2015) version, also known as Fant4stic, was so bad it made Uatu the Watcher consider early retirement. We’re talking a stinky script with a Fantastic Four cast with less chemistry than a praying mantis while eating its mate.
Speaking of Fantastic Four (2015), let’s take a moment to pour one out for Miles Teller, Kate Mara, Michael B. Jordan, and Jamie Bell. These poor souls were trapped in a movie so bad, it made the 2005 version look like a masterpiece. Miles Teller’s Reed Richards had all the charisma of a wet noodle, while Kate Mara’s Sue Storm seemed perpetually confused about her own superpowers. Michael B. Jordan, despite his undeniable talent, couldn’t save Johnny Storm from going down in flames (pun absolutely intended). And let’s not forget Jamie Bell as The Thing – a performance that was, quite literally, rock bottom.
But hey, maybe someday, a director will come along and finally give us the Fantastic Four movie we deserve. With the Fantastic Four MCU adaptation on the horizon, fans are buzzing about the potential Fantastic Four cast for the Marvel Cinematic Universe version. Will we finally see a proper Dr. Doom? Will the new Fantastic Four movie do justice to Marvel’s First Family? Only time will tell.
Until then, we’ll just have to settle for these flawed but fun attempts at bringing the Fantastic Four to the big screen. At least the 2005 version’s got Jessica Alba in her underwear, right? And if that’s not enough to convince you, just remember – this version doesn’t turn Doctor Doom into a rejected Power Rangers villain who looks like he shops at Hot Topic. Sometimes, that’s all you can ask for in a superhero movie.
As we eagerly await the new Fantastic Four movie, rumored to be Fantastic Four (2025), let’s take a moment to appreciate the rocky road these characters have traveled. From the cheesy charm of the 2005 film to the interdimensional disaster that was Fantastic Four (2015), it’s been quite a journey. Here’s hoping the next iteration, nestled safely in the Marvel Cinematic Universe, will finally do justice to Reed’s stretchy limbs, Sue’s force fields, Johnny’s fiery antics, and Ben’s rocky exterior. After all, how many Fantastic Four movies are there? Enough to make us believe that someday, somehow, Hollywood will get it right.
So whether you’re a die-hard fan of Los 4 Fantásticos (that’s Fantastic Four for our Spanish-speaking friends) or just a casual observer of superhero shenanigans, there’s no denying the enduring appeal of Marvel’s First Family. From their humble beginnings in the pages of Marvel Comics to their various big-screen adaptations, the Fantastic Four have left an indelible mark on pop culture. Here’s to hoping that the next time we see them on screen, it’ll be in a movie that’s truly, well, fantastic.